The Commuter Diaries

So I've been a commuter for a grand total of 4 days but I've already had some things happen that I found quite amusing, so I thought I'd share them. The "Commuter Diaries" is almost exactly like that movie Basketball Diaries, except for the whole giving sexual favors in exchange for drugs & money. We commuters exchange sexual favors for free bus rides (although most people just opt for the old fashioned way of paying their $5.) I generally just sleep on the bus but the few times I have been awake, I've seen some pretty interesting things.

This morning, I opened my eyes for a brief minute & I happen to catch a glimpse of a bumper sticker someone had on their car & I couldn't help but chuckle aloud to myself. It said, "I'm only speeding because I really have to poop." Stupid & disgusting, yet quite comical...my kind of humor to a T. Then I closed my eyes again & when I opened them at one of the last stops on the island, the bus was a lot more crowded. Then, on walks this woman with, I kid you not, warts all over her face. I had an empty seat next to me so I prayed to God that this warty woman would not sit there because I didn't wanna catch whatever toad-like disease she was carrying. I was about to pull a Forest Gump on her ass & tell her "seats taken, can't sit hea" (in my most Alabama-like accent) but luckily she hopped along & didn't even attempt to sit. She must have seen my sleepy, disgust-filled eyes glaring at her.

On my way home from work, an X8 pulls up just as I am getting to the stop & I thought "Oh perfect!" The driver opens up the doors & I obligingly get on & he immediately tells me to get off. I was of course confused because if that warty woman was allowed out of her contamination cellar & onto public transportation then why was I being rejected? I thought karma, but he told me that he was "Not In Service" & this is how the conversation went...

Amy: "But weren't you just an X8?"
Bus Driver: "Yes, but now I'm not in service."
Amy: "Did your bus break down?"
Bus Driver: "No"
Amy: "Are you on a break?"
Bus Driver: "No"
Amy: "Then why are you not in service?"
Bus Driver: "Because I just am, now get off."

In the words of Stephanie Tanner...how RUDE! I hate buses that are "Not In Service". There's enough traffic in NY, we really don't need buses that are serving no purpose whatsoever driving around & clogging up the roads. Either park it or pick me up. I was on a bus recently that after I swiped my MetroCard, it became a "Not In Service" but that's because there was a serious problem. By serious problem, I mean that (in the words of the driver) "the mirror is spinny". I don't know what that means to you but to me, it meant I had to sit on the bus for 20 extra minutes until they could fix the "spinny mirror". That's all I've got for now but I'm sure there will be plenty of other adventures to come, so stay tuned.