Sunday, December 27, 2009

Everytime a Bell Rings, an Angel Gets His Wings

This being the holiday season & me loving "It's a Wonderful Life", I figured I would show what the literary world refers to as a paradox between my life & George Bailey's. I'm not really sure if paradox is, in fact the correct world but it makes me sound super intelligent so let's just go with it, shall we?

No, I didn't save anyone's life as a child, especially not my brothers' & they won't be war heroes anytime soon but other then that, we've got some similarities. Ever since George was a little boy, all he wanted to do was get out of Bedford Falls. I can relate. Yes, I got away when I went to college but I always had to return because of my very own Bailey Building & Loan (aka Holly Hill). I will probably end up working there forever, too. No, I don't have anyone lassoing the moon for me but maybe when we were getting married in 1st grade, Brendan Tracy leaned over & told me he'd love me til the day he dies (into my deaf ear, obviously).

This is certainly one of my favorite movies & it always puts me in the holiday spirit. Unlike George, I won't be contemplating killing myself anytime soon so I won't be needing Clarence to come & save me. It would be interesting to see how an individual can change people's lives, though. I don't think I've had all that much of an impact so I don't think the world would change too much, but you never know. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas you wonderful old Building & Loan!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Shaolinn Forevah

There has recently been some controversy surrounding the island upon which I live. To me, however, this is not controversy, this is my life. The island of which I speak is, of course Staten Island. Not only was there an SNL skit called Gossip Girl: Staten Island on last week but there was also a recent program on MTV called the "Jersey Shore", which featured your stereotypical Staten Islander. On today's front page of the Staten Island Advance, there was an article complaining about how this island is portrayed. Let me just say this, if you want to stop being portrayed in such ways, then stop living up to the stereotype!

Whenever I tell someone that I'm from Staten Island, their initial reaction is always, "Oh really, you don't sound/act like it." My response? "Thank you!! You don't know what a compliment that is." I do not want to be associated with this place. If it weren't for my family & friends that live here, I would've been gone long ago. I tried several times but just kept coming back after college & then grad school were finished. To quote the Advance, every portrayal makes "the uphill climb so much steeper for those who seek to defend and redefine the image of their home." No, not everyone is like this image that is portrayed but I would say we are in the minority for sure.

What makes all of these portrayals so much worse, is that there are still people who promote this image. If you wanna change it so much then why would you go on TV & proclaim to the world that you want to fist pump all day, every day? Stop calling yourself a guido/guidette. It's not a good look on anybody, except maybe your fellow goombas. If I lived in the time of Hitler, I would vote to eradicate every person who uses the word "yous". It is not a real word & I'm quite sure that a first-grader would tell you the same thing. You do it to yourself by openly proclaiming your lack of intelligence. What's even better is that they don't all realize how ridiculous they are. Charlie Balducci is quoted in the Advance as saying "It's just funny to me how terribly actors do when they're trying to re-create the authenticity of a guido or a guidette." This coming from the guy on "True Life: I'm Getting Married" who threatened to cut his limo driver's throat because he was 5 minutes late. Trust me, bud, they're not as far off as you think.

I just don't understand it. What is attractive about a roid-raging, orange-skinned, spiky-haired, gold chain wearing, cocky asshole? This island really is like another planet. Maybe that explains why I'm still single, because this human does not interact well with those aliens.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Loving & Losers

Let's start off by saying, my name is Amy & I'm addicted to television. One show that I've been an avid viewer of for a few years now is The Biggest Loser. A show that I have just recently discovered & also fell in love with is Tough Love. Two shows seemingly unrelated but they share a very common thread: sadism.

Jillian Michaels on BL is probably the scariest human being that ever walked, but boy would I love it if she were my trainer! She whips those fatties right into shape & heaven forbid you try to talk back to her, that's when she really gives it to you. She really enjoys other people's pain & apparently so do I because I can't stop watching. I generally snack a lot while watching TV & this show fo sho makes me feel guilty about it & I always work out after. This year's show was such a match maker & there were 2 couples that came from it. The one girl who was my favorite is now such a babe & lost so much weight! I saw her on Leno & she obviously has no idea how amazing she looks now because the guy she is with was formerly this guy. HAHA Okay, maybe not but I totally thought it was when I first saw him on the show last season. Step up your game, girl.

Last year, I met the guy who hosts Tough Love & had no idea who he was & thought he was the biggest ass. Then I watched the show about a month ago & still think he's the biggest ass but I like this show. Sometimes women need brutal honesty because we just don't get it. I like watching him being completely rude to these women, because let's be honest with ourselves, anybody who goes on a Vh1 reality show is complete trash. At the event that I met the host at, he was auctioning off his match making services & if it wasn't so expensive, I was totally considering it. I wouldn't subject myself to being on Vh1 however, no thank you. I'll stick to watching people get humiliated on national television from my couch.