Shaolinn Forevah

There has recently been some controversy surrounding the island upon which I live. To me, however, this is not controversy, this is my life. The island of which I speak is, of course Staten Island. Not only was there an SNL skit called Gossip Girl: Staten Island on last week but there was also a recent program on MTV called the "Jersey Shore", which featured your stereotypical Staten Islander. On today's front page of the Staten Island Advance, there was an article complaining about how this island is portrayed. Let me just say this, if you want to stop being portrayed in such ways, then stop living up to the stereotype!

Whenever I tell someone that I'm from Staten Island, their initial reaction is always, "Oh really, you don't sound/act like it." My response? "Thank you!! You don't know what a compliment that is." I do not want to be associated with this place. If it weren't for my family & friends that live here, I would've been gone long ago. I tried several times but just kept coming back after college & then grad school were finished. To quote the Advance, every portrayal makes "the uphill climb so much steeper for those who seek to defend and redefine the image of their home." No, not everyone is like this image that is portrayed but I would say we are in the minority for sure.

What makes all of these portrayals so much worse, is that there are still people who promote this image. If you wanna change it so much then why would you go on TV & proclaim to the world that you want to fist pump all day, every day? Stop calling yourself a guido/guidette. It's not a good look on anybody, except maybe your fellow goombas. If I lived in the time of Hitler, I would vote to eradicate every person who uses the word "yous". It is not a real word & I'm quite sure that a first-grader would tell you the same thing. You do it to yourself by openly proclaiming your lack of intelligence. What's even better is that they don't all realize how ridiculous they are. Charlie Balducci is quoted in the Advance as saying "It's just funny to me how terribly actors do when they're trying to re-create the authenticity of a guido or a guidette." This coming from the guy on "True Life: I'm Getting Married" who threatened to cut his limo driver's throat because he was 5 minutes late. Trust me, bud, they're not as far off as you think.

I just don't understand it. What is attractive about a roid-raging, orange-skinned, spiky-haired, gold chain wearing, cocky asshole? This island really is like another planet. Maybe that explains why I'm still single, because this human does not interact well with those aliens.