Conclusions, Conclusions

I have recently come to the conclusion about 2 things. The first is that I have been completely miserable lately & the only time I'm remotely happy is when I'm drunk (& not having beer tears.) The only other time is on vacation but we're talking real life here. You would think that this conclusion would cause me to drink every minute of every day just to be happy, but my fear of alcoholism & constant hungover stomach aches make this an impossibility. It's no wonder though that I look forward to my days off with such anticipation because those are my only drinking binges/days of happiness. The hangover is well worth the night. Side note: "The Hangover" is such a hilarious movie & everyone should see it. Another side note: in case you didn't notice, I gave up on being a movie critic.

The 2nd conclusion that I came to was when I was reading my new book by Chelsea Handler entitled "My Horizontal Life". Her unbridled honesty & humor has caused me to look at my life in a new way & the conclusion that I reached was that if I ever want to get laid again, I've got to move out of my house. Pronto. It was so easy in college because you just went back to your dorm room & your only worries were that your roommate would be sleeping & you'd have to kick her to the curb (or couch). Luckily, I never had this to worry about, since Diana was usually coming home with me. God forbid if I did have a problem, it really wasn't that serious since you could walk the additional 2 blocks to get to the boy's house or splurge on the $2 cab ride. When you live at home, you have so many more problems to think of. First & foremost is that this boy has to meet your parents if he comes over & then you inevitably get asked why he left so late. I don't particularly like going to a boy's house that I don't know very well, but I'll do what I gotta do sometimes. But then, if you're not staying over you get asked what you were doing there so late & why didn't you call? Well, maybe I was a bit preoccupied.

But I'm pretty sure that these 2 things are linked. I'm happier when regularly having sex & I'm regularly having sex when I'm drinking more & I'm drinking more when I'm not working but if I'm not working then I can't make money to move out of my house, which if I'm still living at home then there will be more dry spells! So clearly, working has led me to become a sober, celibate shrew with depression. God, a conclusion like that leads a girl to drink, don't you think?