Everytime a Bell Rings, an Angel Gets His Wings

This being the holiday season & me loving "It's a Wonderful Life", I figured I would show what the literary world refers to as a paradox between my life & George Bailey's. I'm not really sure if paradox is, in fact the correct world but it makes me sound super intelligent so let's just go with it, shall we?

No, I didn't save anyone's life as a child, especially not my brothers' & they won't be war heroes anytime soon but other then that, we've got some similarities. Ever since George was a little boy, all he wanted to do was get out of Bedford Falls. I can relate. Yes, I got away when I went to college but I always had to return because of my very own Bailey Building & Loan (aka Holly Hill). I will probably end up working there forever, too. No, I don't have anyone lassoing the moon for me but maybe when we were getting married in 1st grade, Brendan Tracy leaned over & told me he'd love me til the day he dies (into my deaf ear, obviously).

This is certainly one of my favorite movies & it always puts me in the holiday spirit. Unlike George, I won't be contemplating killing myself anytime soon so I won't be needing Clarence to come & save me. It would be interesting to see how an individual can change people's lives, though. I don't think I've had all that much of an impact so I don't think the world would change too much, but you never know. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas you wonderful old Building & Loan!

Shaolinn Forevah

There has recently been some controversy surrounding the island upon which I live. To me, however, this is not controversy, this is my life. The island of which I speak is, of course Staten Island. Not only was there an SNL skit called Gossip Girl: Staten Island on last week but there was also a recent program on MTV called the "Jersey Shore", which featured your stereotypical Staten Islander. On today's front page of the Staten Island Advance, there was an article complaining about how this island is portrayed. Let me just say this, if you want to stop being portrayed in such ways, then stop living up to the stereotype!

Whenever I tell someone that I'm from Staten Island, their initial reaction is always, "Oh really, you don't sound/act like it." My response? "Thank you!! You don't know what a compliment that is." I do not want to be associated with this place. If it weren't for my family & friends that live here, I would've been gone long ago. I tried several times but just kept coming back after college & then grad school were finished. To quote the Advance, every portrayal makes "the uphill climb so much steeper for those who seek to defend and redefine the image of their home." No, not everyone is like this image that is portrayed but I would say we are in the minority for sure.

What makes all of these portrayals so much worse, is that there are still people who promote this image. If you wanna change it so much then why would you go on TV & proclaim to the world that you want to fist pump all day, every day? Stop calling yourself a guido/guidette. It's not a good look on anybody, except maybe your fellow goombas. If I lived in the time of Hitler, I would vote to eradicate every person who uses the word "yous". It is not a real word & I'm quite sure that a first-grader would tell you the same thing. You do it to yourself by openly proclaiming your lack of intelligence. What's even better is that they don't all realize how ridiculous they are. Charlie Balducci is quoted in the Advance as saying "It's just funny to me how terribly actors do when they're trying to re-create the authenticity of a guido or a guidette." This coming from the guy on "True Life: I'm Getting Married" who threatened to cut his limo driver's throat because he was 5 minutes late. Trust me, bud, they're not as far off as you think.

I just don't understand it. What is attractive about a roid-raging, orange-skinned, spiky-haired, gold chain wearing, cocky asshole? This island really is like another planet. Maybe that explains why I'm still single, because this human does not interact well with those aliens.

Loving & Losers

Let's start off by saying, my name is Amy & I'm addicted to television. One show that I've been an avid viewer of for a few years now is The Biggest Loser. A show that I have just recently discovered & also fell in love with is Tough Love. Two shows seemingly unrelated but they share a very common thread: sadism.

Jillian Michaels on BL is probably the scariest human being that ever walked, but boy would I love it if she were my trainer! She whips those fatties right into shape & heaven forbid you try to talk back to her, that's when she really gives it to you. She really enjoys other people's pain & apparently so do I because I can't stop watching. I generally snack a lot while watching TV & this show fo sho makes me feel guilty about it & I always work out after. This year's show was such a match maker & there were 2 couples that came from it. The one girl who was my favorite is now such a babe & lost so much weight! I saw her on Leno & she obviously has no idea how amazing she looks now because the guy she is with was formerly this guy. HAHA Okay, maybe not but I totally thought it was when I first saw him on the show last season. Step up your game, girl.

Last year, I met the guy who hosts Tough Love & had no idea who he was & thought he was the biggest ass. Then I watched the show about a month ago & still think he's the biggest ass but I like this show. Sometimes women need brutal honesty because we just don't get it. I like watching him being completely rude to these women, because let's be honest with ourselves, anybody who goes on a Vh1 reality show is complete trash. At the event that I met the host at, he was auctioning off his match making services & if it wasn't so expensive, I was totally considering it. I wouldn't subject myself to being on Vh1 however, no thank you. I'll stick to watching people get humiliated on national television from my couch.

Dog Talk

Isn't it funny how much everyone always talks about their dogs? I am certainly guilty as charged because I can talk about Maggie until the cows come home. What I find funny about this is that we all think that people really care about this or that thing that our dog did. But the truth is, does anyone really give a hoot, or in this case, a bark? (Ba dum bum)

Maggie had her very own adventure this week while my parents were away. First, she came with me to Hoboken & explored the glories of 519 with Jade & Alyssa. Then we went to a dog park where the other dog owners & myself talked about what else, our dogs. Mag wasn't having any of this, however & squeezed her little way through the gate to escape so that playtime was over. Then I brought her to Holly Hill & she also had an over night play date with her boyfriend, Charlie. I felt it was completely necessary to tell almost everyone I talked to about Maggie's week, because obviously they were dying to know all the things my dog did. I mean, let's face it, I'm even blogging about it right now.

I love dogs, though & it's often a good icebreaker when you have that in common with someone because you never run out of things to discuss. This was the case with this boy I was recently associating with. He had a golden retriever puppy that I was obsessed with. Looking back on it, I was always more excited to see the dog then I was the boy. We would always talk about our dogs & I even broke out the photos like the proud Mama I am. I can only imagine what I'm gonna be like as a mom, because if I talk about my dog this much, everyone is going to hate me when it comes to my child.

Turning Over a New Leaf

I have recently seen the error of my ways & have decided it's time to turn over a new leaf. I have perfected the "fun/party girl"-look & I've got the "drunkest girl at the bar/party/enter name here"-look down to a science. The look I haven't tried on yet, or at least haven't come out of the dressing room to show anybody, is the "girlfriend"-look. As my 24th birthday rapidly approaches, however, I think it's about time to switch it up a bit.

The problem lies in this: I have no idea how to become a girlfriend. I've been so good at being "no-strings-attached girl" that I don't know how to tie them on me! How does a girl who is extremely uncomfortable discussing feelings & emotions try to bring that stuff up to a guy, who is equally uncomfortable with such things? And I don't want some wuss who all he does is discuss his feelings & follows me around like a lost puppy, I want a real man.

Problem number 2 lies in this. Real men are assholes, or at least the ones I'm attracted to/attract. I don't wanna have to settle for somebody either, especially since I've been looking for so long. I want a nice, funny, attractive guy over 5'9" who enjoys watching sports & calls before the hour of midnight, is that really too much to ask? I've got friends who are perpetual girlfriends that I seriously think I need some how-to lessons from. They all seem to have found pretty decent guys so the fact that I can't even find one really worries me. I think I'm quite a catch so I really just don't get it. I have been known to self-sabotage when I think somebody is getting too close, so I really need to quit with that first of all. One step at a time, though. Let's first find a guy who actually calls. Fingers crossed ladies, fingers crossed.

Photo Catch Up

So since I absolutely suck at blogging lately, instead of writing an immensely long blog about what I've been up to lately I thought I'd put up a little photo montage since after all, a picture is worth a thousand words. There was Lady Gaga for Halloween, Yankee World Series Champions & Miami Homecoming Weekend. So here's what's been going down in my life since my last entry...

Now that I'm all caught up without writing a thing, expect big things soon enough.

Ca$h Cab

It's so funny to me every time I try to get a cab in NYC. Of course, I say a little prayer beforehand that it will be the Ca$h Cab. I know I am not alone in this quest, either. Ever since that show began I have watched it regularly & know that I would kill it if I ever got in it. It's so funny what a phenomenon this show has become in this city.

Yesterday when I was on the bus, I overheard two women talking about the show. Maybe they'd get the elusive cab that pays you, they thought. Not if I beat you to it, bitches. My brother Kevin rarely makes a trip to the city so when we went in together one night for his birthday, he was very intent on finding Ben Bailey. We only hailed mini-van cabs & in every one I sat in the answerer's seat just in case. On the way home, we did not get it but we did ask the taxi driver if he could quiz us anyway. He was not amused.

If I ever do find this 1 in 3.8 million cabs that is in fact the one, I really hope I'm with somebody. Of course by somebody, I mean Jade & Amanda. I've already worked it out with her that if I was on the show by myself, Jade would be my mobile shout out & vice versa. If I was with Jade, Amanda would be ours & if I was with both, I'm pretty sure Papa Aubrey gets it. I would also fo sho go for the double or nothing video bonus question, no matter what. You're still getting a free cab ride even if you get it wrong so why the f not?

See, I can still write posts about non-sports related business! But GO YANKEES!

I Bleed Blue

It feels good to be back in the postseason, real good. It feels especially good to be back in the ALCS & I'm sure it will feel even better (fingers-crossed) when we get to the World Series. I faced quite the dilemma going into the Division Series. Since I am a Yankees fan (obviousry), it goes against everything that I believe in down to my bones to ever want the Red Sox to win. Ever. But I'm not gonna lie, I'd much rather have faced a team that we beat the last 9 out of 10 games in the regular season, as opposed to the Angels. I make no secret about it, I'm a little scared of the Angels. I'm aware that we are the best team in baseball but that doesn't mean I don't have a deep respect for that Angels lineup & their manager. The way they played tonight, however gives me a little confidence booster.

I had a pit in my stomach all day because I was nervous about this series. My nails are finally long enough that if I have an itch I get a good scratch, so I'm really hoping I don't gnaw them all off. It's funny though, because as soon as the first pitch was thrown, I was calm, cool & collected. If I'm this way, I can only imagine how the players are since they actually have to play in these games, while I just have to sit & watch them. I think we played a solid game tonight, though. CC was wheelin & dealin. I love love looove that Derek's new walk-up song is "Empire State of Mind". Alex is on fiya & I love it. Something I do not love, however is Mark Teixiera's post-season performance thus far. Yes, he had that game-winning home run & I was proud but that's his only RBI & he hasn't had any other hits with runners on base & that's not very good. Just something to keep your eye on.

I don't wanna jump the gun here because we play 1 series at a time & this needs all of our focus. However, I was thinking today about the possible World Series match-ups & I am unabashedly cheering for the Dodgers to win the NLCS. To be honest, the only reason I'm hoping for this is because I wanna see who gets a bigger ovation at Yankee Stadium, Joe Torre or Don Mattingly. I'm banking on Donnie but it'll be fun to see. If the Phillies make it to the WS, though I only hope for one thing: Pedro Martinez is pitching the deciding game & we beat him mercilessly & then throw him to the ground like he did Don Zimmer all those years ago. That's all I've got for now. Hopefully my next blog will be a happy one.

Marist College, WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME!?

This weekend was Marist Alumni Weekend & R4 was returning to the scene where it all started. The problem is, that scene was not what it used to be. Yes, the Red Fox Wraps are still delicious & Dandy the Lion is still driving cabs & the view is still beautiful & R4 girls are just as wild & crazy as ever but it just wasn't the same.

We began our night going out to dinner. We saw a couple of friends & discussed our plan of action for the night. Then we went back to our hotel to get ready. This part of it all did not change. I love my friends more then life & I miss them & I miss living with them so much. The alcohol was flowing a plenty & so were the jokes & reminiscing. It was just like being in college all over again & we were looking forward to a night out together. This is where the problems began.

Being Alumni Weekend, every place we wanted to go to was packed. This was expected. What was not expected was Hatter being 18 & over rather then the usual A.W. 21. It was full of freshmen & not at all what we wanted. This is not even mentioning that they were trying to charge a $20 cover! I don't care how much I missed dancing there, Hatter is never worth a $20 cover. We went to Mahoney's & knew no one. Then in the cab, you forget how many people those Pokipse cab drivers try to sneak in there. I was not pleased. We always dressed a bit on the risque side but these newbies have taken that to a whole new level. Last night was freezing & I saw 1 girl with a tube top mini-dress & that was all. Apparently this is the new trend with kids these days. We gave up after a little while & just went to the diner, where I ordered not 1 but 2 RFWs.

All-in-all it was a good weekend but the only reason for this was because I was with some of my favorite people on earth; Marist had nothing to do with it. Yes, of course it was nice to go to campus & just walk around & think about all the good times we had there but I think that will unfortunately be the last time we go back to that campus in a very long time.

A Taste of "Simply Fabulous"

So I usually leave the beauty/make-up blogging to Simply Fabulous but hey, I've been constantly surrounded by beauty products lately so why not? My mother sells Mary Kay, Jade does PR for Cargo & Alyssa does advertising for Neutrogena. So basically what I'm saying is that I wouldn't be caught dead buying face wash anytime in the near future. Now, let's talk a little bit about my favorite products.

I recently began using Cargo's Lash Activator. You may have heard the buzz about it already because when I just looked it up online, it's apparently the next big thing. I have been using it for about a week & a half. They say you don't see noticeable results until at least 2 weeks but yesterday after I got out of the shower, my mom said my eyes looked nice so I'm thinking there's gotta be some correlation. I'm not sure if I actually notice any difference myself but I'm pretty easily influenced by that placebo effect so it could be that too. Since Cargo is all-natural & eco-friendly, I'm not as worried about my eyelids turning black either, as I would be with that stuff Brooke Shields endorses. Also, I occasionally use the "Eve Pinky" lipstick created by Whitney Port for Cargo & although most people hate it because of the audacious pink color, I kind of love it.

As for Mary Kay, I have a bottomless pit of makeup constantly available to me. I don't use a ton of the makeup actually, (mainly because I don't wear a ton of makeup) but the products I certainly do use. I like the pressed powder fo sho. I use both kinds of face wash, the lotion, body wash, pimple removal & my personal favorite is the eye soothing gel, which works great after a long night out & my eyes don't wanna work the next day. And since I mentioned the other two, throwing some good PR Alyssa's way, I always have & always will swear by Neutrogena face wash.

But okay, that's about all the girly talk I can handle. Go Yankees!

Shop Talk

Ok so let me get this straight. Miami beat Florida State. Florida State just beat BYU. BYU beat Oklahoma. We (Miami) will be playing Oklahoma in 2 weeks. I'm feeling much better about our chances now! I mean, yes we do have to play Virginia Tech next & they will be a challenge but I do really appreciate how good my team is this year & I've got faith! Last year when I found out we were going to be playing Oklahoma at home, I put that game in my loss column. Big time. Now, it'll be a good one. Love love love Jacory Harris & how about Jimmy Graham! Miami basketball star turned football star with the TD against GT! Way to go Fing! I don't wanna jump the gun, but I can almost smell a BCS game. Perhaps the Orange Bowl?

As for my other football team, I'm feeling good about our first game. This week though, is where we'll really see what we're made of. Nothing would make me happier then to go into that brand new multi-billion dollar stadium in Texas & beat the shit out of those Cowboys. Ya'll know how I feel about Texas & I don't like to see Texans be sad, but if it's my happiness or theirs I think you can guess where my loyalties lie. Go Giants!

As for my baseball team, I really hope they're not just resting on their laurels because I'd really like to see this American East title be locked up. I'm pretty disappointed in the Rangers because I was hoping they'd at least make the Wild Card interesting but as it looks now, it will be my enemy in the postseason. If things ended today, we'd be playing the Tigers in the division series & then either the Angels or the Red Sox in the ALCS, which I wouldn't really prefer either of those scenarios. Then I'm putting my money on either the Dodgers or Cardinals in the World Series & it's gonna be tough. But I mean, you gotta beat the best to be the best & then a parade after that hard fought fight would be very rewarding.

That's all the sports talk I got for you tonight. You stay classy, Planet Earth.

What's in a Name?

So for as long as I can remember (& by this I mean freshman year of college), I have been calling people by nicknames. I'm not talking about my friends, I'm talking about random people & sometimes even complete strangers. From the beginning of time, I have compiled quite the interesting list. I have a problem remembering names & apparently so do my friends. Why would I waste the time saying somebody's name when they only ask who? Then I must say "Oh, you know (insert nickname)."

Let's start with Marist. On our floor alone there was: Rigatoni, Loafer, Jimmers, Flannel, Mattew, Hockey Mike, Hockey Jon, Couch Potato. I did not make up all of these but that's just to name a few. Then throughout our years, many more nicknames popped up. Angie Ang, Ariel, Secret Boyfriend, Number 1, Jenko Jeans Kyle & Texas Will. Then there were our lovely neighbors, Wolf mouth, Clefty & Giraffe.

First and foremost from Miami, there's Wittle, of course. Then rounding out the A-Team there was also Stripper Theo & Da Brat. The Nooj not only had a nickname but also about 20 million CGs, including International Superstar, Defibrillator Inventor, Former Fat Kid & Prince of UM. Then obviously Creepy Sam, the Cheetah, Chris Cute Boy, Condo Boy, Virginia Stop & Shop, DJ Ronnie G, the Fing, SR, Poo Parenting, TimmyTommy & my personal favorite, Big Brown.

These days, I have 1 serious boyfriend (Evan Longoria), who is always referred to as such. Other then him though, we've recently seen the Virgin, the Army Creep (even though he was in the Marines), the Dancer, my Soul Mate & someone I have also recently given the name of the Power Ranger.

Every name has a story & every story is usually pretty funny. I'm positive I'm missing many a nickname so if you remember any please don't hesitate to add it on. If you've discovered by reading this that you have been given a nickname & you are insulted by such, I am sorry. I'm not really but I'll try to lead you to believe that I am.

Autumn Blues

So as much as I don't like working at Holly Hill every day of the summer, I still prefer the weather during this time of year over anything else I might encounter in other months. I absolutely detest anything except warmth. I do not like fall weather & I certainly do not like cold winter weather. Last winter I went into an extreme depression & am not sure I've completely recovered, but it's definitely better then it was. This fall/winter, though I have a number of things to be excited about so I really have to focus on those.

To begin with, this coming week should be pretty exciting. First up, HURRICANE FOOTBALL! As if the first game of the year wasn't exciting enough, we're playing Florida State, which is where bragging rights in the state of Florida begin. On Tuesday, there is a possibility (albeit a small one) that I will be getting Legends seats at Yankee Stadium when they play the Rays. This is no ordinary game either because not only would it be my first time at the new Yankee Stadium but I would also be uncomfortably close to my boyfriend Evan (& of course my other fellas on my team but I've already been close to them.) Then on Wednesday, I will have an un-sports-related night, but still just as exciting. It's the Berk Communications 10th Anniversary party at the 40/40 club, being hosted by Jay-Z! Since they're married, I'm also pretty sure Beyonce will be there! I'll have to brush up on my "Single Ladies" dance moves, just in case.

After this week, the excitement of fall/winter is not over.
September: The NFL season is obviously the next thing to look forward to. Now with an entire season of Osi, what more could a girl ask for?
October: Baseball undoubtedly awaits the Yankees future in this month & also (knock on wood) a parade through the Canyon of Heroes! This will come during/after Marist Alumni Weekend! R4, Red Fox Wraps & Rennies, here I come! As every year, Halloween will also be at the top of my list of excitement. I have my costume all planned out but I will not reveal it on this website because I do NOT want anyone taking it.
November: Miami Homecoming! A-Team (:( minus the hyphen), Sandbar & Hurricane football! It's coming at a time that will save my feet from the pain of real shoes & the flip flops will be back on! Obviously then comes the big 2-4 on the 2-9th. No comment on how old I'm getting.
December: Christmas
January: Baby! A new addition to my family will be joining us on or around the 10th. Clearly this is the most exciting birth in the Aubrey family since this girl was born & that was nearly a quarter-century ago! Kelly & Brian are having a girl & I can't wait to have an excuse to watch the Little Mermaid with her all the time! After trying to solidify my status as favorite relative of this sleeping, pooping doll for a week, I am off to the Dominican Republic! Just in time to turn my skin from the January vampire look to the color of Akon. OK maybe not thatt dark but I'm planning on breaking out the oil while I'm enjoying the swim-up bar at the all inclusive resort.

So no, I don't like the weather in the months from September through April but I think I have enough to look forward to to occupy me & prevent the blues from sinking in once again.

With my Eyelashes All in Curl...

Oh the joys of being a girl. It's funny, really the things you can get away with. It's not all good all the time but generally I can't say that I can complain. The only thing better than being a pretty girl is being a pretty girl with dimples, because a little wink & a smile gets you out of most tight predicaments.

I have been able to charm my way out of multiple speeding tickets, my favorite one being in Florida when I ended up talking about the Yankees with the cop for about 15 minutes before he let me off with a "warning." I don't think a boy would've been able to get away with this very scenario. It's also a pleasure when there's a line outside of a bar & the bouncer let's you right in because you're with a group of girls. This happened to us just last night & there were some pretty annoyed gentlemen, but really who is going to argue with a large black bouncer. Boys don't have the option of saving money by getting people to buy you drinks either; girls certainly do. Aside from the occassional ogre feet that can come about from a night out dancing in high heels, it really is worth it. It's so much more fun being a girl because of all the shoes & outfits & accessories that are available to you. When a boy is ugly, there's really not too much he can do about it. Ugly girls can at least put on makeup & it can really do wonders.

An advantage that I have over some other people is the dimples. A little deformity that goes a long way. I would like to mention to any boys out there reading this that I have in fact heard the compliment that I have nice dimples & I have been called "dimples" once or twice, so try being a little more creative next time. Not that I'm complaining but it does get a little old. They were discussing dimples on Chelsea Lately the other night & it really is true that we dimpled folk get away with more. Good thing my deformity isn't a clubbed foot or something like that because I don't think that'd get quite the same reaction.

Talkin' Baseball

Let me start off first & foremost by saying how much I love this team! If you're not an avid reader of the blog, let me just inform you that "this team" that I speak of is none other than the NY Yankees. It's the first time in a long time that I actually feel like we are a team, rather then just a bunch of individual superstars playing together. We don't give up & really seem to be having fun playing, which is exactly how it should be! The pie in the face is my favorite & it really cracks me up. These new guys in the clubhouse are a welcome addition!

If you know me even remotely you know there are 2 things that I can jabber on & on about for days: pizza & baseball. What I love about talkin' baseball is that anyone who loves baseball loves talking about it. Everyone loves hearing everyone else's opinions & thoughts & it's just a way to bring people together all over the world. Pop Pop & I have been talkin' baseball ever since I was a wee one. It used to be him telling me all the stories of great Yankees past & present & I would listen & take it all in. I owe this man every ounce of Yankee fandom that exists in me. Eventually it became what it is now & every time we get together we talk about the latest games, acquisitions, etc. He even calls me after a good play or a home run so we can talk about it. I love it so much.

Being a girl, guys find it unusual that I know so much about baseball so they feel it necessary to quiz me on my intellect. I always succeed with flying colors & they see that I am a worthy companion to talk baseball with. If I quizzed them, I might not be so impressed but they just don't believe that a girl can know so much until I prove them wrong. I actually get incredibly turned off if I know more about sports then a boy does because clearly he is not man enough for me. A necessary quality of a husband for me is that we need to be able to have good sports conversations. The male members of my immediate family are not exactly sports savvy & my brother's best friend even requested an audience with yours truly because he can't talk sports enough with my brother.

It's funny how sports can be such a bonding/breaking point. Everybody needs that friend or two that they can debate sports points with. I loved being at Marist & then Miami because there were so many different views that people had & it made for much more interesting talk. Sometimes those views were too divergent from my own & fights nearly ensued several times but I gotta respect anybody who can equal my passion. A girl doesn't get a tattoo for something she only likes a little bit. There's not enough diversity on this island for my liking & too many pretend fans if you ask me. This will not stop me though, from constantly trying to find new people to talk sports with.

Dating.com

The other night I was watching the Yankee game & while I was up finding something to eat like I do every commercial break, a commercial for eHarmony came on. I normally pay no heed to such things but they mentioned it was a free communication weekend so I thought why not give it a try & see what it's all about? I could never see myself paying to be a part of an online dating site but if it was free then what did I have to lose?

So I went on the site & answered the 50983892 questions that they ask you about yourself & your potential mate & got so annoyed at how long it was taking that I almost gave up but then finally got to the end. By this time it was late so I went to bed & when I woke up & looked at my phone, I had 17 new emails, all from eHarmony! I was matched with so many people so I had to go online & start communicating to get use out of the free weekend. The part they don't tell you about this free communicating, is that the only way you get to see their picture is if you pay for the service. NO THANK YOU! Maybe I'm too shallow but there is no way that I could ever meet someone that I met online without ever seeing their picture first. Yea, most people send only their best photos & ones that are them when they weighed about 300 pounds less but at least you can get an idea. So I closed all of the matches that I was sent & thought that'd be it. Nope! The next morning, I woke up with 20 more matches! This caused me to close my account entirely. So, yea that was a complete waste of time.

This was not my first attempt at meeting someone online & most people do not know this story because I'm a little embarrassed I resorted to this. A friend of mine K.F. had a boyfriend that she had met on Craig's List. She was always going on there & finding all great things so I thought one day that I'd check it out to see if I could find anything. While in Miami, I came across a fella in the Navy who seemed like a nice guy & appeared highly attractive in his picture (although it was far away so I couldn't tell for sure, but he had a dog & I'm a sucker for a puppy). So what is the cliche thing to do? Send him an e-mail saying that I've never met anyone online before but he seemed cool so I decided to give it a shot. We ended up emailing back & forth for a while & then (with 2 escorts of course) I decided to meet him in person. Let's just say that Ethan sent a picture with his dog for a reason & that reason was for suckers like me who love dogs. It was then & there that I swore off online dating (until the words "Free Communication Weekend" flashed across my eyes, of course.)

The moral of this story is that online dating might be for some people, but I'd prefer to meet my men the old-fashioned way: while severely intoxicated at a bar!

Reverse Feminism

I wish I lived in the old times. That women's liberation movement really screwed everything up for me. Everything was so much simpler & there weren't such mixed signals & different options. Back then, you met someone, you got married & you had a family. That was it. You didn't have so many single parents, divorces, technologies or cheating.

Maybe I watch too much TV but why couldn't I have lived in England during the Elizabethan era? Life was so easy. You met someone, or maybe didn't even meet them, but you got married & always lived happily ever after. Your father sold you for a goat & that was it. No worrying about if he calls or texts you or whether or not you should text him or what you should say & worrying about whether you come off as too needy. There was no calling during that time. If you didn't hear anything the next day, you didn't automatically think you screwed it up. It was totally normal because you'd have to wait for the man to come on horseback & deliver you a hand-written note from your lover. If the prince stole your horse, you'd just throw apples at him & then you guys would eventually fall in love after you gave him false information & you would become a princess & screw over your wicked stepmother & stepsister! If your sister had a baby with the king, it mattered not, you could still marry him & force him to disconnect with the Catholic Church in order to marry you! You could be a maiden in court & fall for a poet after dressing up as a man in order to perform in a play & then that poet would go on to become the most famous in all the world! Such simple times.

I'm not saying I'd like to have lived during the hard times in America because those sound so unappealing to me. England was where it was at. I have no interest in being June Cleaver or Rosie the Riveter, but Ann Boleyn really had the life (until she was beheaded of course.) It was just such an easy life to have. What happened to the old fashioned gentleman? Today, there are men like Tucker Max who get rich & famous because of their drunk antics & sexual conquests. On the other hand there are also women like Chelsea Handler who have done the same thing. But think what a better world it would be if we all had English accents & watched knights in shining armor winning our love. Dating was not even a long process. It basically went man meets woman, they like each other, they get married, the end. Dating now has become almost none existent because why buy the ice cream truck when you're getting the popsicles for free?

I don't care if I vote. I'd like to wear a corset & have someone dress me. It really doesn't sound all that bad if you ask me! In the words of Avril Lavigne, "Why'd you gotta go & make things so complicated?" Thanks a lot for burning your bras, ladies you really screwed it up for the rest of us.

Conclusions, Conclusions

I have recently come to the conclusion about 2 things. The first is that I have been completely miserable lately & the only time I'm remotely happy is when I'm drunk (& not having beer tears.) The only other time is on vacation but we're talking real life here. You would think that this conclusion would cause me to drink every minute of every day just to be happy, but my fear of alcoholism & constant hungover stomach aches make this an impossibility. It's no wonder though that I look forward to my days off with such anticipation because those are my only drinking binges/days of happiness. The hangover is well worth the night. Side note: "The Hangover" is such a hilarious movie & everyone should see it. Another side note: in case you didn't notice, I gave up on being a movie critic.

The 2nd conclusion that I came to was when I was reading my new book by Chelsea Handler entitled "My Horizontal Life". Her unbridled honesty & humor has caused me to look at my life in a new way & the conclusion that I reached was that if I ever want to get laid again, I've got to move out of my house. Pronto. It was so easy in college because you just went back to your dorm room & your only worries were that your roommate would be sleeping & you'd have to kick her to the curb (or couch). Luckily, I never had this to worry about, since Diana was usually coming home with me. God forbid if I did have a problem, it really wasn't that serious since you could walk the additional 2 blocks to get to the boy's house or splurge on the $2 cab ride. When you live at home, you have so many more problems to think of. First & foremost is that this boy has to meet your parents if he comes over & then you inevitably get asked why he left so late. I don't particularly like going to a boy's house that I don't know very well, but I'll do what I gotta do sometimes. But then, if you're not staying over you get asked what you were doing there so late & why didn't you call? Well, maybe I was a bit preoccupied.

But I'm pretty sure that these 2 things are linked. I'm happier when regularly having sex & I'm regularly having sex when I'm drinking more & I'm drinking more when I'm not working but if I'm not working then I can't make money to move out of my house, which if I'm still living at home then there will be more dry spells! So clearly, working has led me to become a sober, celibate shrew with depression. God, a conclusion like that leads a girl to drink, don't you think?

Go Green or Go Home!

I have fully embraced the philosophy of "going green". Everyone keeps talking about it but this girl is really trying to do something about it. Obviously I'm not the only one & I applaud anyone who chooses to live this life. I have always shut off lights when I leave a room & have never left the water running while I brush my teeth. I have never been one to litter or even spit my gum on the ground so changing to this new way of life was not the most difficult transition for me. I kind of force it upon everyone & might be starting to annoy one or two non-eco-friendly civilians.

When I worked for the accountant a few months back, she would constantly reuse paper & just write things on the other side or use double-sided printing. Such a simple choice but it saved so much paper, so I of course implemented this strategy at Holly Hill when I returned there. The problem is that nobody remembers to do this & I am like the green police around the office yelling at everyone for throwing away paper. I put up a sign reminding people to reuse/recycle but clearly this sign should be in neon lights & play on repeat on a speaker. I am a broken record when it comes to telling people to flip over the paper. It makes perfect sense though so I don't get what's so hard about it. Not only are you saving money by having to buy less paper, but you are also helping the environment!

Another thing about working in a business is the amount of plastic bags people go through. Yes, I totally understand if you have multiple items that require a bag & I am not against that in the least. My problem comes in when somebody has 1 thing that can easily be carried by hand or fit in a pocket book & they ask for a bag. Before I bag people's things, I always ask if they would like a bag if it's one of those questionable purchases. I must inadvertently give them the stink eye when they choose the bag because some people feel it necessary to explain to me why they need a bag. I'm judging you no matter the explanation you give me, so save your breath. I tend to smile at those that opt to save the earth.

Customers also come in with their water samples with containers of all different shapes & sizes. I always try to give people back their bottle, bag, container, etc. so they can reuse it for the next time they come in but noooo some people just insist on throwing them away. Have you ever heard the statistics about plastic bottles & how they are so super deadly to the environment? I recently reprimanded my mother for buying a case of bottled water & I think she felt so bad about it that she went out & bought all of us aluminum water bottles. Filtered water tastes the same as bottled water people, get it in your heads & stop buying bottled water! I don't mean to sound like a Green Peace Environmental freak or anything but like I said, I have fully embraced this lifestyle & I am now about as green as a smurf is blue!

A Completely Random Post

I couldn't think of 1 particular thing to post about so I decided to have a plethora of subjects for your reading pleasure.

1st topic: I don't know if you are aware of the pandemic spreading around. No, I'm not referring to swine flu, I'm talking about Twitter. I gave in a while ago & joined because Amanda told me it was fun (& basically I just always do what Amanda tells me to do.) I pretty much only follow celebrities that I like & my friends. I don't really see the point of it otherwise. I enjoy it but I probably don't update as much as I should. I'm sure I will more when I get my CrackBerry in a few weeks & update via Twitter Berry.

2nd topic: Why is it that it's always the ugly guys that hit on you? While in AC with the girls this past weekend, we all looked pretty hot & of course it's the old ugly guys that notice & never the ones you want to notice. For example, while walking through the casino, I heard a few cat calls & whistles thrown our way & when I saw who did it, I just kept on walking. Maybe it's the hot ones who don't need to do such things because girls just flock to them like I do to a chocolate fountain at a wedding. When we went out, the dance floor was beyond crowded so I kept trying to find little open pockets of air to dance in but kept getting bombarded quickly. This one guy continued his bombardment, which he referred to as dancing & I yelled at him & said I just like to have space to dance. He then hugged me & said oh, so you don't like this? It was funny so I gave in for a dance & it was just awful. He wasn't bad looking but his dance moves were probably even too white for the KKK.

3rd topic: Sticking with the AC trend, this topic is craps! My new favorite game. I am far from a gambler but I love craps. Lauren taught me how to play & I won $60 (well technically $40 because I started out with $20, but still pretty good.) I don't know what type of techniques I used, but I was an excellent roller. Loved it so much that even after we went out, we stayed at the tables to watch others play. They no longer had $5 tables at night so we weren't willing to bet so much at a time. I don't think anyone minded that we didn't play though because they probably saw how intoxicated we were & our rolling techniques would likely not work as well.

4th topic: MIAYOOOO! I'm going to Miami this weekend & am so so so excited about it! I cannot wait to go to Sandbar & drink RBVs, as served by Johnny Gyllenhall. I will eat a Stop & Shop sandwich & maybe even Sam (Creepy Sam, not Sanko) will finally give us a free sandwich. PARTY IN THE CITY WHERE THE HEAT IS ON!

Smitten Kitten

Normally my baseball posts center around the Yankees but since they are so turrrible lately, they don't even deserve a mention, even with my Alex coming back tomorrow. What this baseball post will be about is none other then my boyfriend/future husband, Evan Longoria. It was love at first sight. You may think I am kidding but for some odd reason, I really think I have a legitimate chance of this actually happening.

I have him on my fantasy team, but he plays a much more prominent role in other fantasies of mine. It brings me back to when Alex was on the Mariners/Rangers because I would look forward to those games so I could see him. I think I may look forward to seeing my Evan more, though which is unheard of considering how much I love Alex. There's a new 3rd baseman in my life, I suppose. I don't even love him just because he's a baseball player, I really could care less about that. Believe me, I've had some very un-baseball related dreams about him. I am now following him on Twitter & like the freak-o that I am, I continue to send him @ messages in hopes that my unrequited love will soon be returned. I only sent 2 so I'm not a total stalker (not that he knows about anyway). He probably thinks I'm such a dork, if he thinks of me at all. I really want to say something witty to him that has nothing to do with baseball but I don't want to scare him off. I was thinking "You & my mom have the same birthday!" Like I said, dork.

On my dream day, the Yankees were playing the Rays so I peaked around a little but unfortunately I couldn't find him. I was too busy trying not to burst into hysterics to give it a real good look. It was still the beginning of our love then, so I really didn't feel as strongly about him as I do now. He's not even what most people would consider attractive, but clearly love is blind! Yes, he is a Tampa Bay Ray but Romeo & Juliet didn't have it easy either. At least he doesn't play for Boston, then we would really have a conundrum on our hands.

Happy Blogaversary

I just realized that my 1 year blog anniversary has just passed 2 days ago. It seems like only yesterday we started. I think I have, however lived up to the name "Completely Random" looking back on all of these posts. Yes, sports seems to be a recurring theme but that's just because I have an addiction, sir. I hope you've enjoyed reading about my so called life. (I think I squeezed about as many TV/song quotes in these 3 sentences as was physically possible without it being obtrusive. For 10 bonus points: see if you can figure them all out & where they are from!)
-AA

VENTING!

OK so let me just get a few things out in the open here. #1) I love the Yankees & I hate the Red Sox (given). #2) I hate racist people. There is no quality that a person can have that is more ugly/unappealing/deal breaker more then racism. Here's a little story about my night. Amanda & I went to a bar to watch the Yankee-Red Sox game & throw back a couple beers & have a relaxing night. We were having a good time until Robinson Cano didn't hustle out a ground ball. A man wearing a Brewers jersey taps me on the back & said how much he hates Cano & that he never runs. This conversation ensued:

Amy: Yes he didn't hustle it out, I agree.
Asshole: I wish we had Pedroia.
Amy: Oh, hell no. He's a Red Sock, I don't want him, I'll take Cano any day.
Asshole: Oh come on, why don't you want him! First of all, Pedroia's white.
Amy: (with a face that looked like it could have been possessed by a devil, smoke coming out my nostrils & fire coming out of the eyes) Excuse me???
Asshole: Oh please, you mean to tell me you wouldn't rather have a white guy on your team??
Amy: I don't care what color he is. If you haven't noticed, some of the best players in baseball come out of the Dominican Republic, so I'll take Cano.

I then turned around & continued watching my game, as mad as an army of red ants when you step on their ant hill. Jason Bay then proceeded to hit a home run off of Mariano Rivera to further ruin my night. The asshole then proceeds to tap me again on the back. No, asshole I do not want to converse with you. I don't know what he said I just gave him the finger because I couldn't be bothered with his nonsense. Then he felt the need to explain to me that he is a Yankee fan, so I asked him why then was he wearing a Brewers jersey. His response? "I like the colors." I don't really think I even need to comment on that. I told him Yankee colors were also navy blue & white but he said he just didn't like the way the jersey looked on him. Apparently it only looks nice on girls. Funny, it looks pretty nice on Robinson Cano.

THEN! As if all of this wasn't bad enough, he proceeds to hit on me. I was focused intently on the game (& trying my best to ignore him so I didn't force my hand down his throat & pull out his racist tongue). He told me it was only the 1st Yankee-Sox game of the season, so why would I care so much. Um, maybe because it's the first Yankee-Sox game of the season, that's why. "I like that," he says. You like what? The fact that I hate you so much I want to gouge your eyeballs out? "What's your name, anyway?" "Lisa." "Lisa, I'm Frank." Then Kevin Youkilis made it all even worse & we lost. Well, Racist Frank, I hope you're happy in hell because God's a Yankee fan & that was clearly a sign he doesn't want you around.

Kids Today!

Yesterday I was watching "Chelsea Lately" & my dad walks in the room as Chelsea is commenting on penis size. This caused my dad to turn around the other way & laugh about how the times have changed. Well it's true the times have changed & I'm not even talking about from the times of my dad to the times of me. I'm talking about from the time I was in 8th grade to kids that are in 8th grade now. I was getting my nails done recently & Tyra was on & it was about "sexting". A phenomenon I had never heard of, although it was pretty easy to figure out what it meant. There were girls 13 & 14 years old that were sending their boyfriends naked pictures of themselves! Also very dirty texts with things I did not even know what they meant at that age. I got embarrassed when they were just reading them on the show. I barely even kissed a boy when I was that old, let alone anything else.

When I was 4, I wanted to be Ariel, the Little Mermaid. Little girls today? Hannah Montana. The main difference: Ariel was not white trash, she was a cartoon princess. In exchange for those little underwater lovable Snorks, kids today have Spongebob. This show has more inuendo adult humor then Superbad. That's another thing! Kids don't have good, quality learn-your-lesson kinds of movies. There is no more Disney movie to make you feel every emotion known to man. They have to rely on the movies that came out when we were kids to teach them their lessons. I actually feel bad for kids today. My best friend Meghan was not allowed to watch "Saved by the Bell" when we were growing up. Her mom thought the show was too old for her. What would Maureen have said about "Gossip Girl"? They are supposed to be the same age as those kids from Bayside High, but there is way more adult content then just Zack & Kelly making out & everyone going "ooooooh". Parents are not shielding their youngsters from these things.

The music is different too. We had Britney when she was still sane & dating Justin Timberlake, then the frontman of NSYNC. Now all NSYNC has come down to is Joey Fatone out at Libation for Amanda & Angela's birthday (haha). Where I had Raffi, they now have Kidz Bop, which has kids singing the Pussycat Dolls & other inappropriate songs. PCD were on the Kids Choice Awards & didn't tone down their sexuality even a little bit. Way to be role models, girls! Katy Perry kissing girls wasn't even in the vicinity of being on the radio when we were young. What would my mother have done if that song came on the radio & I sang along?? I'm laughing just thinking about that actually. How the times have changed! There are so many things that even I, a girl who has seen it all will still shake my head & say "Kids Today!"

TV-aholic

I've been blogging too few & far between, I apologize but I haven't had any blog inspiration. I also haven't had as much time as I used to, which is good for me but bad for blogging. One thing I haven't given up on, however, is watching my TV shows. I've come to the conclusion that I watch a lot of television & when I say a lot I mean A LOT. In addition to sporting events & ESPN & YES on a constant basis, my list of shows is as follows: Heroes, Lost, 24, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, Samantha Who?, Ellen, Chelsea Lately, The Soup, Private Practice, So You Think You Can Dance, The Biggest Loser & the latest addition, American Idol.

I used to watch AI when Ruben Studdard won & then the next season when J.Hud was on it but when she got kicked off, I stopped watching forever. That is, until this season. Since I have moved home, I often watch shows with my parents & they watch AI so I would be forced into it. The episodes leading up to the Top 13 were painful to see but now that they are good, I'm 100% hooked. I always like to discuss it with anyone who watches &/or will listen. I cannot stand Ryan Seacrest so I have to wait until half the show is over before I can watch it so I can fast forward to only the parts that they sing.

My favorite is Danny Gokey. I love his voice & I just think he is wonderful. Adam is amazing & although I won't like the music he will come out with, he's such a rock star already. I love what he does to the songs & he's such an entertainer. Those are my top 2. I was so glad when "Wiggles" got kicked off. That was that girl with the tattoos all down her arm whose name I don't even care if I remember or not. I called her Wiggles because of her weak ass dance moves. The rest of the ones left are so good, I'll be happy if any of them win. I'm glad they used the judge's save last week with Matt because I really like him. I hope Lil Rounds does better this week because I like her too but I think if not she's gotta go. Since 2 have to go this week I'm thinking it will probably be her & Anoop Dog. That's all I've got.

WWhat's Your Fantatasyy?

So I was home all day & kept saying I should blog today, but I'll do it later. Well now it's later. I'm waiting for Heroes to get to a half hour in so I can fast forward through all the commercials so I figured while I'm waiting I'll blog. There is really only 1 thing I can think about lately so I figured what better to blog about...BASEBALL SEASON!

I am so f-ing pumped for this Yankee season it's not even funny. The new stadium, CC, AJ & Tex all make it so exciting. I was also watching several Yankee-related shows this weekend, including the "Pride, Power & Pinstripes" special & it just made me even more excited. Everything about baseball makes me happy (except for Yankee losses obvi). I cannot wait for the exhibition game this Friday against the Cubs because that will be the 1st real look inside the Stadium & I feel like if I were a boy, I'd get an erection watching it. Yes, that is how much I love baseball. I can't wait to see our team & I think the chemistry this year is really good & everything will come together for the big #27.

In addition to the regular season I am also excited for fantasy baseball! For those of you who have been loyal "Completely Random" followers, you have read some of my fantasy baseball blogs & know how obsessed with it I am. This season I got my friends to join it also & we have our own league where trash talking is plentiful & the competition is high. Maybe I'm just talking about myself with that statement but it's all good. I am in 2 leagues & have 2 really good teams & am super excited for all that will come.

In a side note, I am a big loser & always love the sayings that they have every year for YES commercials. One year it was "Pride, Power, Pinstripes", last year was "Looking Back, Looking Forward" (which I wasn't a fan of) & this year I do not know yet! I hope it's a good one, though because those commercials always pump me up when I see them because like I said, I'm a huge tool. Have I mentioned in this blog that I'm excited? Oh I have? Okay fine, I'll just go watch Heroes now.

Stay Classy, Planet Earth

Last night I was watching the "Planet Earth" series on Discovery & it is so crazy. First of all, the photography alone is completely unbelievable. They say that series was 5 years in the making, which I totally believe because some of those shots alone that they got must've taken months. I watched the "Shallow Seas" & "Deserts" & it was just nuts to see. It makes you really think about how complicated the world is. I love these kind of shows & I feel like I really learned a lot watching it.

They were saying on the show how certain things only happen once a year or even less then that, yet they got those shots of them. They even show the fog moving in over a desert. In the "Shallow Seas" episode they show the mama Humpback whale & her baby & got these insane close-ups. Apparently the mama starves herself for 8 months so the baby can grow in a safe place. Then they swim up to the Arctic Ocean & eat tons & tons of krill, which are micro-sized shrimp. She also will hold up the baby on the surface so it can breathe because babies get tired from swimming easily, which I thought was so cute. Dolphins are my favorite so I was happy when they included them. The fish apparently have been going closer & closer to shore so in order to eat, the dolphins actually hydroplaned along the beach to eat the fish. Of course they got all of this on video. Now I was lucky while at Miami to get the alligator on campus on video but that was sheer luck (SR said it was the best video he had ever seen a student get of the alligator, but I don't wanna toot the old horn.) These people are out there for months at a time to get a 30 second shot of these things & then they have to get enough of these 30 second clips to make an hour-long show! No wonder it took them 5 years.

But watching this it kind of made me sad because they were saying they don't know how much longer these amazing spectacles will be around because of man-made factors. Pollution, over-fishing, etc. are all killing everything beautiful in this world. I did a story on water pollution while at Miami & it was awful because I didn't have any good shots like they got on Discovery. I couldn't go underwater to show the difference between healthy coral & dying coral. I didn't have strong enough statistics like they had on this show. I wish I saw this before I had this project, maybe then I could've done a little better. But we really need to do something about this because it is so sad that maybe my children won't ever be able to see the things that I've seen, like a thriving reef or a humpback whale or even dolphins! The krill that the whales eat is being harvested for fertilizer & causing the whales to starve to death. I know a lot of people are skeptical about "going green" but it's really nothing to kid about, it's serious. If everyone contributed a little bit every day to do what they could to help the environment, we would be a lot better off. So turn the piece of paper over & use both sides instead of throwing it away & reuse your water bottles instead of buying a new one & walk a couple of blocks rather then take a cab because I dunno about you, but I want my kids to swim with dolphins.

Catholic School Girl

As I was waiting for the bus yesterday morning, I came across a girl wearing a high school uniform (a Sea girl). There she was, thinking she looked all hot in her uniform with her skirt rolled up to her hoo-ha & I really had to stifle a laugh because that was definitely me about 7 years ago (wow, is it really that long since I've been in high school?) We all rolled our skirts & I just don't see why now because it didn't make us look any better. When I heard that my alma mater, St. Joseph Hill, had opened up the option of pants I was appalled but now I wish I had that option.

For those of you that don't know what my high school uniform looked like, let me explain. I'd show you a picture but there is no way I want a photo of myself in that uniform circulating around the Internet. We had 2 different uniforms for winter & summer months. Always at the base of the uniform was of course, the skirt. The "post man blue" as they called it. That's right, our skirts were the color of a mail man's pants. As a Hill girl, we had to have our skirts come down to our knee & there were times when we had to kneel down & make sure the skirt touched the floor. If it didn't? Detention. If that wasn't bad enough, we also had to wear a blazer of the same color! In the winter we had to wear a white button-down shirt with a navy blue V neck sweater & the blazer to top it off. We had the option of a sleeveless sweater, which absolutely nobody took. We also had to go out & buy black trench coats that had to come down to our knee. Not disgusted enough yet? Oh, that's because I haven't mentioned the shoes. They were the same color as the skirts but suede & we had to wear those with white tights. The warmer outfits were really not much better. White collared polo shirts (with the blazer of course), the skirt & saddle shoes. Yes, the very same saddle shoes that they wore during the 1940s. And no, we didn't wear them with tights, we wore them with white ankle socks.

After school, I would go & get the train with my friends to go home. We would roll our skirts & take off the blazer, as if that made it any better. Living where I do, my stop was the same stop as our "brother" high school's so I would have to fight my way through the mass of boys to get up the stairs. What's funny about this is that I would actually get hit on! High school kids are so funny. Why was this uniform okay to wear & even worse have people think you look good in it??? When Britney came out with "Hit Me Baby One More Time", I think we all kind of thought we looked like her in our uniforms. We obviously never bothered with mirrors in those days (another reason why I am NOT putting up that picture.)

1st Date Blues

So in my experience, there are 3 kinds of dates: nice guy dates, asshole dates, & really great dates. Now I'm not saying I'm a serial dater & I go out on all of these dates all the time, but I think I know what I'm talking about here. I'm not even counting strictly your stereotypical dates like dinner & a movie. Meeting for drinks, hanging out just the two of you in a dorm room/apt/house, even meeting at a bar with friends & then hitting it off so well you hang out just the two of you the rest of the night all fall under my description. Let's look further.

First we will look at the nice guy. I try so hard to give the nice guy a chance, I really do. Nice guy dates usually include having him say something like "we can do whatever you want to do" & giving me absolute power while he is merely a servant. I had a date tonight that this kid was the epitome of the nice guy date. He used phrases such as "next time", "us", & "our relationship". He discussed meeting my parents, converting me into an ethnic food lover & even me converting him into a Yankee fan. Stop trying so hard, son. I think the break all questions of dates include such things as "What's your favorite kind of food?", "What nationality are you?" & "What is your favorite animal?" In my opinion, a good date will just flow & you don't need to have such forced conversation. Yes this date included all of those questions. It got so bad I resorted to telling my worst jokes. We met on Valentine's Day & I really thought he seemed really nice so I tried to make myself think he was attractive. We met for drinks & I'm a little drunk right now but on a date like the one I just went on, it's necessary. On a date with an asshole, such drunkeness is not always the solution, though.

Assholes are usually the really good looking guys & the ones who know this. Alcohol is not as necessary because at least they are nice to look at but sometimes you need it to be able to handle them. These are often the guys I go for (although I've gone on many a nice-guy nerd date.) I like a guy who takes charge & has an opinion of his own, but there is a balance there. It's not all about you, douche bag. I made the mistake of going out with the same asshole twice. The first time was way back in high school & I had such a crush on him so when he asked me to go to the movies I was ecstatic. The only problem was, we could only go to an 11 o'clock movie & one that his friend was going to also. We had to see the movie he wanted to see & the entire night he talked about himself. End of the date, end of story. A few months ago, this same boy contacted me again & we decided to meet up for lunch. I thought maybe he changed & he used to be good looking so why not give it a shot? Big mistake! Let's just say, some things never change except for perhaps his good looks.

As for the great dates, I can honestly say I have only been on 6 of them (or at least 6 guys, there may have been more then 6 dates.) With such dates, there have been connections. Not necessarily that we are destined to be together forever kind of connections, but definitely something. I'm pretty sure any of these 6 gentleman would be able to distinguish themselves & know they are one of the ones I am talking about because aside from 1 or 2, I still talk to them. Again, these dates do not have to be the stereotypical kind. It's just someone who you genuinely have a good time with & want to hang out with more. Whatever happens after that is beyond your control. I have been fooled a time or 2 by these great daters & they ended up in the asshole category, but at the time I thought they were great.

I like to think I am a good dater. I don't try too hard as the nice guys do but I try harder then the assholes. The kid tonight was very surprised when I told him I'd never been in a long-term serious relationship because he said I seemed like the type of girl who always had a boyfriend. That was the first time I ever heard that in my entire life. Now don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a boyfriend, it just usually turns out that the ones who I pick don't pick me back & the ones that pick me, well I don't pick them back. It's a vicious cycle but I do know that the few times that I have found those "great dates" was the times in my life that I have been the happiest. It's nice to have someone who cares about you as much as you care about them. Until I find that person though, I will continue to criticize my dates.

I'ma Buy You A Drank

I've been on a saving money kick lately. I have a job for an accountant as a consultant & that's pretty good money. She even wants to add me on for another day, which is good because I'll get even more money. I'm not exactly accountant material & not really enjoying it but no complaints here because I'm lucky to have a job. I also recently applied to be a TV host aboard cruise ships, which if I got I'd be able to put my degree to good use while living aboard a cruise ship & being on a constant vacation. Pretty good idea if you ask me, so hopefully that pans out. But also in addition to making money, I've been trying to save it. Kind of like in Confessions of a Shopaholic: M.M.M & C.B. (Make More Money & Cutting Back.)

One way I've been cutting back is by trying to go out only once a weekend. All those nights of going out really add up. When I say "going out", I of course mean buying more drinks then most gals' livers can handle. It's probably better for my health to give up one of those nights too. On my big night out though, I also have a money-saving game plan. I simply flirt with an unsuspecting victim until he buys me a drink. I can sometimes get the bartender to do a shot with me without paying, too. It's an art form really. Obviously it's not successful 100% of the time, but I mean even the "Bend & Snap" only has a 98% success rate of getting a man's attention & when used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of a return on a dinner invitation. Woops, I digress. Sorry for getting all Elle Woods on you there. I will buy my own RBVs to start the night & then after those have kicked in & I'm ready for beer, I begin my maneuvering. You can't attack with a friend because they rarely offer to buy both of you a drink. In Hawaii however, some kid asked me what I was drinking & I told him 2 Bud Lights, 1 for me & 1 for Sarah. He looked annoyed but got them anyway.

The thing about buying drinks though, is that sometimes guys feel as if you now owe them something because they bought you a drink. Clearly T-Pain does. In my opinion, you owe them nothing. We immediately ditched the kid in Hawaii but he kept following. Thanks for the drink, but get the hint. It's not like you just went up to somebody & said "Hey you, wanna buy me a drink?" At least I hope you wouldn't do that, you saucy minx. If they offer to buy you a drink, that's on them. You can then decide whether or not you're interested & continue conversation or cut it off & run. Just because you agree to have a man buy you a drink does not mean you agreed to a night-long relationship. On Valentine's Day, I was in all my pimpin' glory. I had so many Valentine's & so many drinks bought for me, it was grand. I mean maybe this explains my lack of relationships but who cares, I'm having fun. It really is a playing field with this kind of game plan & that makes it all the more interesting.

Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Going into the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, I was told it was very depressing so I should be prepared for that. I think these warnings were a little much because I mean, yes it was sad but it was just such a good movie that I couldn't think about being depressed. It was basically a movie that had a continual theme of death but it was in a way that made it just a part of life & not something overly sad. I'm still not entirely sure why he was aging backwards & I know it had something to do with that clock, I just don't get why it was him. I suppose as movie-goers we're just meant to accept this, but I always look far to into everything.

The acting was superb. Brad totally deserves the Oscar, except his pretend New Orleans accent didn't really do it for me. His face, however gets me every time because he looked beautiful. I was trying to figure out how they made him so mini as an old man at the ripe old age of 7, but they used other actors for his body & just put tons of make-up on, I suppose. It still looked like Brad, though so I guess that's why it's nominated for the Oscar for Make-up & lots of other special effects. The sets, the costumes, the directing, everything was just great. I didn't see all of the other movies nominated for Best Picture yet, so I can't say it should win but I really enjoyed it.

It's a really interesting concept for a movie. In the beginning when he appeared to be so old, he met a young girl & you normally would be creeped out by this but you can't be, because technically he's supposed to be the same age as her. As they get closer in age, the roles begin to reverse & she's the creepy one. I'm not really ruining the movie by saying this because you know what's happening the whole time. It definitely is about true love, though whether that love is between a man & a woman, a parent & child or friends.

Grade: A

P.S. Happy Valentines Day!

The Commuter Diaries

So I've been a commuter for a grand total of 4 days but I've already had some things happen that I found quite amusing, so I thought I'd share them. The "Commuter Diaries" is almost exactly like that movie Basketball Diaries, except for the whole giving sexual favors in exchange for drugs & money. We commuters exchange sexual favors for free bus rides (although most people just opt for the old fashioned way of paying their $5.) I generally just sleep on the bus but the few times I have been awake, I've seen some pretty interesting things.

This morning, I opened my eyes for a brief minute & I happen to catch a glimpse of a bumper sticker someone had on their car & I couldn't help but chuckle aloud to myself. It said, "I'm only speeding because I really have to poop." Stupid & disgusting, yet quite comical...my kind of humor to a T. Then I closed my eyes again & when I opened them at one of the last stops on the island, the bus was a lot more crowded. Then, on walks this woman with, I kid you not, warts all over her face. I had an empty seat next to me so I prayed to God that this warty woman would not sit there because I didn't wanna catch whatever toad-like disease she was carrying. I was about to pull a Forest Gump on her ass & tell her "seats taken, can't sit hea" (in my most Alabama-like accent) but luckily she hopped along & didn't even attempt to sit. She must have seen my sleepy, disgust-filled eyes glaring at her.

On my way home from work, an X8 pulls up just as I am getting to the stop & I thought "Oh perfect!" The driver opens up the doors & I obligingly get on & he immediately tells me to get off. I was of course confused because if that warty woman was allowed out of her contamination cellar & onto public transportation then why was I being rejected? I thought karma, but he told me that he was "Not In Service" & this is how the conversation went...

Amy: "But weren't you just an X8?"
Bus Driver: "Yes, but now I'm not in service."
Amy: "Did your bus break down?"
Bus Driver: "No"
Amy: "Are you on a break?"
Bus Driver: "No"
Amy: "Then why are you not in service?"
Bus Driver: "Because I just am, now get off."

In the words of Stephanie Tanner...how RUDE! I hate buses that are "Not In Service". There's enough traffic in NY, we really don't need buses that are serving no purpose whatsoever driving around & clogging up the roads. Either park it or pick me up. I was on a bus recently that after I swiped my MetroCard, it became a "Not In Service" but that's because there was a serious problem. By serious problem, I mean that (in the words of the driver) "the mirror is spinny". I don't know what that means to you but to me, it meant I had to sit on the bus for 20 extra minutes until they could fix the "spinny mirror". That's all I've got for now but I'm sure there will be plenty of other adventures to come, so stay tuned.

Standing By My Man

I suppose I couldn't just let this controversy pass on by without mentioning it. As it seems, my Alex (& yes, he's still my Alex despite this silliness) has admitted to using steroids from 2001-2003 while he was with the Texas Rangers. Whenever anyone has brought it up to me, I just say I don't wanna talk about it because I wanted to hear what Alex had to say for himself beforehand. Today he had an interview with Peter Gammons on ESPN, so now I think my time has come to comment.

I am in no way condoning what he did, but I guess he just felt pressure to live up to his contract. Maybe he realized it was the wrong thing to do & saw his numbers really weren't all that much better & gave it up when he came to the Yankees. I mean, at least he was man enough to admit it & not try to deny knowing about it or even worse, pin it on his wife like Roger Clemens did (although by the looks of Cynthia, I really wouldn't be surprised if she had some roid-rage of her own.) He's human, he made a mistake. He's not exactly a clutch player so I'm hoping this doesn't add more pressure to him. He said in his interview that getting this all out in the open was a good feeling for him & that "the truth will set you free". He did this to himself so we will just have to wait & see. If he does good, he will be cheered. If not, you can guess. He made his bed so now he has to lay in it.

What I wanna know is what about these other 103 players that tested positive? There is no doubt in my mind that there are plenty of other big names on that list but they are only singling out Alex. These were anonymous tests so he could probably sue the union if he wanted to for releasing that information because that's gotta be some sort of breach of contract. And why release it now? If they were going to do that then why wouldn't they have done it sooner? And why save it if you were never supposed to release it?

I get that baseball is a game of numbers so by him doing steroids, he taints those numbers. I really believe, though that if you take away those 3 years, those 156 homeruns & those 395 RBIs, his numbers will still be up there with the greatest of all time. He cannot be denied the Hall of Fame because of this. We romanticize the game of baseball & call these the "Steroid Years" & now the game is ruined. Let's be honest, though. Joe D & Mickey Mantle & Babe Ruth were not gods. If they had available to them what players have available to them now, they would do the same thing. I also have to wonder why it's such an enormous deal in baseball but steroids in football, nobody gives a shit about. Don't even try to say there aren't any in football because that's the funny thing I've ever heard.

Alex is my favorite player so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt & believing that he is not doing it anymore. I know how hard he works out, I mean I did often stalk him when he was working out at the U. I don't think he should be punished unless they want to punish every one of those other 103 players. If anything, take away his MVP award that year. He still won two more when he was clean. In fact, 2007 was one of the best seasons of his career. He is still one of the greatest players to ever play the game of baseball & this does not alter my opinion of him. Of course I am disappointed but I truly believe that he is sorry for what he did & you could tell that by how emotional he was. Everyone makes mistakes & I am willing to forgive. I will be cheering for him as I always do with my #13 jersey on come the start of the season.

Movie Review: He's Just Not That Into You

After reading the book, He's Just Not That Into You I looked at life/love situations from a different perspective. I loved the book so naturally when I heard they were making a movie about it I was excited. Then I heard who was in the cast & I was even more excited. Halfway into the movie, however I was very unexcited. It made me completely depressed & feel like I will never find anyone who is really "that into me". Then I slapped myself back into reality & realized that not every relationship is so incredibly flawed & doomed to failure.

The character "Gigi" reminded me of How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days when she's trying to drive the guy away, except they expected us to believe this was how the girl really was. She was the ultimate caricature of what girls do wrong & it just made the whole thing so unrealistic. It was entertaining & funny because I think we all have a little bit of this girl in us sometimes but definitely not to that extreme. It made women look so pathetic, though, which again made the movie depressing. Jennifer Aniston was by far my favorite part of the movie because until the end she was the only female character who was remotely strong.

Three quarters into the movie was when it started to get better for me. It was overall a cute movie but definitely not as good as I'd hoped for. It kind of gave a mixed message at the end because the whole idea of the book was to make you believe you are not the exception, you are the rule. Life is not a movie so as women, we shouldn't believe that men will change, blah blah blah. Since this was a movie, however you got your typical movie endings. I think in the end, they should have just left it as a good book & not tried to make it anymore then that.

Grade: C+

A Brief Blog About the Hog

Although I already wrote a blog today, I forgot what important national holiday that today is...Groundhog Day! It's the silliest of traditions. If the groundhog sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter; if not, we get spring. My gripe about this is that if he sees his shadow, doesn't that mean that it's sunny & that it should be spring? Here on the Isle of Staten, we have contradicting weather-hogs. Punxatawny (or however the F you spell it) Phil did indeed see his shadow, whereas good old Staten Island Chuck did not. I guess this means that SI, NY is getting an early spring while everyone else has to suffer. It's nice living in our own little world sometimes.

Superbowl Funday

No my team was not in the Superbowl this year but that couldn't get me down. Superbowl Sunday is such a wonderful holiday. Why it's not officially a national holiday I don't know. I remember hearing on the radio a while ago that the Top 3 days of the year that people in America drink are New Years Eve, St. Patricks Day & the Superbowl. I'd add my birthday to that list too but even with the amount I drink on that day, I don't think it would average out to the Top 3. Top 10, maybe.

Everyone watches the game, even if they don't like football. My mom watches it for the commercials & halftime show. But no matter what your reason for watching, you still drink an absurd amount of beer & eat too much & are hungover the next day. This much is obvious. The Monday after the Superbowl is a miserable one. We're all going through the same thing. Well not me, I'm unemployed so I can be hungover on my couch but I can still relate. Just as everyone has off for New Year's Day, they should also have off the Monday after the Superbowl. New Year's Day isn't a real holiday, we're just off to sleep off that hangover (since the Eve is the #1 drinking day/night). If you think about it, people aren't productive on that Monday anyway so what's the point of working? I don't know statistics or anything but I'd guess that a lot of people call in sick, probably more then your average Monday.

Going to work the Monday after the Superbowl is about as productive as those Friday morning classes we had in Miami. If I was a college professor, I'd cancel all my classes that day or at least morning classes. This would be not only for my own benefit but I bet you the students wouldn't complain. Who do you petition about this? Obama keeps saying it's time for change, well how about we throw this in with all the things that should change! Who's in?

As for this year's game, congratulations to the "Shitsburg Squeelers" as El Sanko would say, although she probably wouldn't congratulate them. It was a good game & I really wanted Arizona to pull it off, but just wasn't in the Cards I suppose (yes pun intended.) Good job Calais, with the tackle in the 1st Quarter (I could've been a Superbowl wife.) Jennifer Hudson was absolutely phenomenal singing the National Anthem & I love her so much. Got a little choked up actually because it was just such a wonderful rendition. The Boss was pretty good at Halftime, although I would've liked it better if Kevin Boss was playing during the game. Oh well, I sound like a Mets fan but we'll get 'em next year.

Movie Review: Revolutionary Road

Movie reviewer time. Yesterday I went to see Revolutionary Road & I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. I didn't really know what it was about but it looked interesting from the previews & I mean who wasn't excited that Leo & Kate were together again? Not to mention the unsinkable Molly Brown, Kathy Bates.

With that said, obviously the acting was terrific because the cast was really phenomenal. Leo is like a fine wine, he just gets better with age. The story is about a young couple who expected a lot out of themselves, but they ended up just like everyone else of that time: she was a housewife & he was a businessman. They were forced to conform to society & were not happy about it. They didn't fit the mold. He looked at his father & didn't want to become that but it's exactly what he became. The only time they were happy is when they were going to escape. They lived on Revolutionary Road & they were revolutionaries. They wanted to move & she would support him, which everyone thought was crazy. As it turned out, the only person who saw past their "perfect" exterior was insane & visiting from a mental institution. Society drove them crazy & they constantly had to put on a show.

The movie was very well-done. I'm not an expert on cinematography or any of those production categories but this was really good stuff. The costumes & set designs were also great. It reminded me of Leave it to Beaver meets The Stepford Wives meets something new. The costumes helped tell the story of what was happening. Everyone was dressed the same going to work & it just reinforced the idea of conformity. The concept of the movie also was really interesting. Watching it I thought, this must be what it was like in the Cleaver household behind closed doors.

The movie did a great job in making you come away with a feeling of resentment. It made me so glad I didn't live in that time because as a woman, I couldn't stand having to be that perfect housewife all the time & nothing more then that. She was someone who wanted more then that & she was ultimately punished for it. Despite a woman in my theater continuously stating throughout that she thought it was a very weird movie, overall I enjoyed it. It was a beautifully artistic movie & I think this quote from it sums it up nicely. "If being crazy means living life so it matters then I don't care if we're completely insane."

Grade: A

A Little Glance Into My Subconscious

I generally have some pretty weird dreams but last night was definitely up there with the most bizarre of all time. It started off outside of my grammar school church of St. Charles. Two of the priests, Msgr. Kelly & Msgr. Gaffney (who both died many years ago) walked by & everyone was supposed to walk with them to get into church. I was eating a candy cane so they wouldn't let me in. I had to sneak in the side & my whole family was there, including my grandmother, who also died many years ago. We also weren't at church, it was the Olympics. My "cousin" Dean was going for the gold medal in doubles for tennis & we were all there to watch. My uncle asked my other cousin Lindsay to get him coffee & she wanted to get something to eat so I went with her to the candy cart outside. Natalie was sitting in her car, so I went with her & then I woke up.

I have one of those dream books & although I think the interpretation of dreams is a load of crap, I decided to look some of these things up...

- To dream of seeing the dead, living & happy, signifies that you are letting wrong influences into your life, which will bring material loss if not corrected by the assumption of your own will power.
- To dream of peppermint, denotes pleasant entertainments & interesting affairs. To a young woman, this dream warns her against seductive pleasures.
- If you see your uncle in a dream, you will have news of a sad character soon.
- Dreaming of one's cousin, denotes disappointment & afflictions.

So in summary, basically everything will make me sad or disappointed. I've even been warned of seductive pleasure because I happen to have been eating a candy cane. Or perhaps I dreamt of a candy cane because I have peppermint chapstick & I happened to taste that & it popped into my dream. The rest of the things in the dream were too weird I guess, because they were not in the book. Is a church turning into an Olympic tennis court not a common dream? Whether you believe this or not, I still thought it was interesting enough to blog about & since there's no football today, I had nothing better to do.

Movie Review: Marley & Me

I was thinking yesterday & I came to the conclusion that rather than sitting at home all day sometimes when I don't have work, I will go to movie matinees. There are so many movies out that I want to see & everyone is always too busy to come, so why not? Now, before I review the movie I am going to tell you my film critic guidelines, since I am hoping to get discovered as the next Roger Ebert in the very near future.

I'm not going to give it a thumbs up rating or stars or anything like that. I am basing it on a grading system, such as in college with letter grades. A+ is an option (& so is an F- in rare cases such as When Mars Attacks.) My criteria include, but are not limited to acting, direction, costumes, set design, musical score, continuity, concept, etc. Also does the movie make you feel what you're supposed to feel? And obviously, the overall movie experience. Now onto the review...

Marley & Me was a love story, of sorts; it was a movie about unconditional love. It's not going to win any Oscars or major awards but for any dog lover, it gives you a movie that makes you want to go home & hug your dog (which is precisely what I did when I got home.) The concept of the movie was very simple but enjoyable. It was about a family that had a dog. Basically, that's the end of the story. It showed the trials & tribulations of having a pet & what we go through for them. If you don't have a dog, you will probably enjoy the movie but not quite understand it, the way a dog owner would.

Watching it, you can tell that Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson are definitely dog people. They interacted really sweetly with the dog & they were very good at their parts. On the other side of that coin, they weren't exactly challenging roles to play. Costumes, sets, etc. were all nice but nothing all that original or complicated. I did enjoy the scene where Owen & Eric Dane were in Coconut Grove & went to Monty's, though! It was never mentioned as the name of the place but having been there/sat at the very table they sat at, I obviously knew where it was. They also captured the South Florida thunderstorms very true to form.

As far as whether or not the movie made me feel what it was supposed to, job well done. It was cute, it made me laugh & it made me cry. There was a part at the end that was really cheesy (hint, it involves a necklace) but other then that, I found it heart-warming. It's a very relatable movie, especially the parts like letting the crying puppy into your bed or the way the dog interacted with the kids. If you're going on a first date, don't see this movie. Overall, I liked it. I recommend watching it at home while snuggling with your dog, though & not at the movie theater because not only will you be surrounded by crying strangers but also all you'll want to do is hug your dog.

Grade: B

Self-Diagnosing Guru

I've always hated the cold weather. Hate really isn't a strong enough word, actually. In recent years, this hatred has gotten to be so much more. I came across an article the other day & it was about Seasonal Affective Disorder & reading it was like a checklist for me. I have self-diagnosed myself with this. You may have S.A.D. if you:

Feel sad, grumpy, moody, or anxious.
Lose interest in your usual activities.
Eat more and crave carbohydrates, such as bread and pasta.
Gain weight.
Sleep more and feel drowsy during the daytime.

I mean really it makes perfect sense. A rut is defined as "a fixed, usually boring routine." I have been going through exactly that lately. It's the same feeling I had about life right before I moved to Miami. I avoid getting out of bed when I can help it. All I keep thinking is that I just need to be in a bikini & lay on the beach in the warm sun. If it were up to me, I'd wear my bikini & nothing but all day every day. It brings me to my happy place. I'd gladly come face to face with that shark again as long as it meant I was someplace tropical. Well, maybe not but pretty damn close. When I came home from the Bahamas senior year of college, it snowed the next day & I had to shovel the sidewalk. I literally cried throughout the whole thing. No, seriously. At the time, I thought I just missed the Bahamas but I think it was more then that. I refuse to shovel snow now. I did a half-ass job of it the other day but why bother because it just snowed again! F that. If the mailman slips on the ice, oops my bad.

In a side note, let me just say that I had the opportunity to hook up with someone who is now on the Arizona Cardinals & I turned him down. The further they got along in the playoffs, the worse I felt about this. Now that they're in the Superbowl you can be sure that I certainly regret that decision! Talk about kicking a girl when she's down.